My Feeding Journey with eM

Throughout my pregnancy, I was told to expect a small baby. I'm 5'3 when I stand up really straight, and generally weigh around 50kgs, so I certainly understand that being on the smaller side doesn't mean being unhealthy. Still, to realize that in theory is one thing. To give birth to an underweight baby is another. 

Those words '2nd percentile' felt like a personal failure. I wondered if I should have eaten more protein, or iron, or less sugar, or... the list was endless. It didn't help that I was told to compulsorily feed eM every 2 hours till she reached at least the 5th percentile for weight. She was a foodie from the start and we'd no trouble latching her on, but the problem was keeping that teeny tiny fellow awake long enough to eat. I'd set an alarm, and call in reinforcements to prod her and tickle her as I  tried to coax her awake. All the while, I felt ridiculous, and desperately wanted to just go back to bed myself. My journals from that time contain incoherent rambles, I was exhausted to the point of sleepwalking.

I understand these were exceptional circumstances and maybe eM wouldn't have gained weight normally without that extra effort. That said, ever since her weight increased to a medically acceptable limit, I've let her decide when and how much she wants to eat. Some times she slept through the night, other times she ATE through the night. If I'd watched the clock rather than my baby, I may not have offered enough at growth spurts, or obsessed when she didn't eat. But as it was, frankly, I let her decide and didn't think twice about it. Common sense showed me she was energetic and engaged when awake, and the monthly health checks reassured me that she was, in fact, gaining weight consistently when left to her own devices. By the end of the first month, she'd climbed to the 50th percentile for weight (isn't breastmilk awesome?!). This gave me the confidence to trust her instincts when it comes to food.

So I took the same approach to introducing solids - my job as a parent is to offer healthy food at regular intervals, roughly every 2-3 hours. Deciding what and how much to eat is up to her. Some days she eats as much as me, other days she does upvas bhojan 😂 But no matter what, she decides, and I don't keep tabs. Since she's always eaten the same food we do, there's no wastage, or tension from looking at all of 'her' food left over. We eat together, and I focus on my plate rather than hers. After all, whether at 2 years old or 30, we each know our own bodies and appetites best. Baby led weaning, as this approach is called, is also a matter of convenience. It's usually just the two of us at home... and though I may not get to sleep when the baby sleeps, I definitely prefer to eat when she eats! This style of weaning gave me back some time, while providing my toddler with some much-appreciated independence. 

At 6 months, she was handling all her finger food well. By a year, she was making a bit of a mess but essentially able to get daal rice and so on into her mouth. All this while she had no teeth, haha. Even so, she managed to eat everything we did, albeit without salt, chilli and honey. She thoroughly enjoyed Sri Lanka, where we went for her birthday - string hoppers were a favourite dish! Over time, she's travelled around the world discovering local foods with as much enthusiasm as her mother. 

I've never considered hiding or disguising her food in any way. She's told what's available; and she can either eat it or not. There are no convenient treats available to bribe her with if she decides she doesn't want to eat something. After all, she doesn't eat to please me; she eats to fill her stomach. Which means that when she's hungry, she'll come and ask for food herself. Yes, that food may be curd or a fruit rather than a full meal. But that's her choice, and I leave it up to her. After all, haven't we as adults skipped a meal because something just didn't feel appetizing? We make up for it later, and so does she. Her health checks continue to reassure me that she knows perfectly well how much food she needs to grow.

By now, at 2.5 years, she can be trusted to sit wherever we're sitting, and eat off whatever plate is given to her, without more than the occasional splatter onto her clothes, if that. Here she is, all dressed up in a tutu skirt, eating off a banana leaf like everyone else did at a family get together this weekend 😁

If you're interested in learning more about baby led weaning, I highly recommend joining the Facebook group Baby-Led Weaning India. If you weaned your baby traditionally and want support as you transition to letting them feed independently, do check out Traditional Weaning India.  The admins of both groups are very helpful, and the groups have a wealth of resources available. 

The Longest Year, Wrapped In a Quilt Made of Memories

The first year of eM's life truly drove home that cliche about the days being long but the years being short. That year, my god, it had the longest days I've ever encountered. I watched the clock constantly, feverishly, hysterically. I literally counted down the days till she'd hold her own head up, start eating solids, and just... stop *needing* me so much. I rolled through most of it on auto pilot. They say you forget the pain of delivery once you've had the baby. I say you just as easily forget those initial hellish weeks - when days blend into nights, and it feels like life will never be normal again. 

For this reason, I'm doubly glad that I journal-ed it all, uncensored. I think that if eM chooses to have a baby, she deserves the full unvarnished truth about just how bloody hard it can be. That's the story that the adorable pictures on Instagram don't tell. I don't want her thinking I was a great mother based on my easy delivery story or my choosing to breastfeed or whatever else. It's easy to look at the the advice I gave others on babywearing/diapering/baby books, and think I had it all figured out. The truth is, I floundered through that first year, and it caught me entirely by surprise. As I mentioned before, I haven't yet decided if I'll share the journal I wrote offline for eM on the blog - I'm too aware of an audience reading this.

Instead, for now, I'm sharing the other side of the coin - glimpses of the first year of parenting, in a retrospective nutshell. It's a lot easier to share, and no less true. That's the thing about parenting, and especially that first year - the highs are high, the lows are low, and there's almost no in-between where you can just catch your breath and get used to it all. It's really only once it passes that you realize - oh. That kind of had its amazing moments. And man, we made some awesome memories!

I won a giveaway hosted by Cookiie Pie Co a while ago, and my prize was a memory quilt made by Love Keepsake. I'd already donated many of eM's clothes, and used others in a quiet book I made her. Fortunately, there were a handful of special clothes I'd kept aside, and these were the ones I passed on to Love Keepsake to make into a quilt. My quilt is still in the mail, but here's a preview I got from the mompreneur who made it. This brings back so many memories:

The base - a purple fleece, was the one eM was first wrapped in. It was my very first pre-baby gift from the girls I was supposed to meet for bandi dosas on the night when eM was born! The base was reinforced with a blanket from a former work colleague, whom I bumped into again when we both attended a prenatal yoga class. We quit the yoga, and have shared many a sinful dessert together since instead! Here's to making new friends and rediscovering the old. There's nothing like having a baby to redefine your relationships. Nearly every friend I made or reconnected with in that first year gifted eM something which made it on to the memory quilt.

Then there's the kurta I had eM in because there was no time to change into a hospital gown. And the hospital gown she was first put in, an impossibly tiny shirt which was still way too big for our low birth weight baby. The first baby clothes she was gifted, which I put her in with trembling butter fingers, convinced I was going to break her.

There's the Carter's newborn sized onesie I tempted fate with and bought before she was born. I took pictures of her in that onesie every single month until she turned one (it went from being an oversize onesie to a too-short crop top, but that thing stretched for all it was worth!) As she grew older, there, too are her first pattu pavadai from her perimma. The dress she wore the first time we attempted a dinner date out, also the one she wore when she first stood up (and promptly plonked back down on her bottom, looking very pleased with herself). Her first pair of soft-soled Skips, which she barely wore, preferring to go barefoot. The outfit my uncle gifted her, which she wore for her first flight journey to meet A's grandparents. 

There's even the dress that someone sold me with a very obvious tear in it and refused to take back - a reminder of how mom dynamics sometimes work. And, on the other hand, the surprise first birthday shirt another mom I barely knew made for eM just because. Ah, moms. Mom friends, mom frenemies, mom rivalries. They're a topic for a whole other post, if not a novel.

Milestones, relationships, battles, victories. Every single square inch of that memory quilt has a story to tell, if not several. It is, in its own way, just as effective a journal as the one I wrote eM. I can't wait for the quilt to arrive so I can start telling her about the first year of her life.

PS: This quilt retails for 1500 + GST + shipping, if you're interested. Prices may vary depending on the size and materials you provide.

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This post is part of #9daysofwomanhood which 24 other bloggers + I are celebrating throughout Navratri. You may have come here via my co-host Uttara's post introducing me, do stop by her blog if you haven't yet. Also check out Anubhuti's take over on her blog.

 Hosted By : #MyLittleMuffin #TheMomSagas #Mummasaurus #TheReadingMomster

Cloth Diaper Review: CDS FAP 3.0

How long has it been since I wrote here? I don't even want to check the time stamp of my last post and see for sure. I'd say I'll blog more frequently now, but the truth is, I still don't have the bandwidth to. Ironically, what's taking up the little free time I have is writing for other businesses. Oh well, as long as words are getting put out there somewhere, somehow! That said, I just had to come here and put a virtual timestamp on one of my life's 'firsts'.

This weekend, I went out of my comfort zone and made my first ever vlog. It's strange, for someone who has no problem addressing crowds, I get very self conscious in front of a camera. I can barely manage a selfie without wanting to clobber my phone, so a video was.... ambitious, to say the least.

Good thing I'm talking about something I'm so passionate about that I can almost, almost, forget there's a camera on me. Here's a cloth diaper review (what else? I'm still a mom, my interests are somewhat limited!).

Not just saying it for the review, that diaper really is gorgeous, and was reason enough to convince me to do a vlog in the first place! Find it, and other diapers, at http://www.clothdiapershop.in/. Apart from gushing about the diapers themselves, I can guarantee professional, friendly customer service; a payment gateway that works; and a generally pleasant online shopping experience.

Anmol vs. Cookiie SSC: First Impressions

eM and I went to Tirupati this weekend to meet her great-grandparents and extended family. We just got back, to a huge backlog of freelance work. Both when we're in new places, as well as when she senses deadlines looming, eM insists on being carried. Nonstop. Thank god for babywearing - it preserves my sanity, and my back. 

My first baby carrier was from Mee Mee. Let me tell you since Mee Mee won't - it isn't stringently tested, and it's not at all ergonomic. I know a lot of non-parents read this blog, so feel free to skip this post, after this one important takeaway: most commercially sold Indian carriers aren't good for your baby's hips, and aren't as safe as they should be. A couple of mompreneurs recently launched soft structure carriers (SSC's) which are the first Indian-made, internationally tested, ergonomic carriers in the market. Both are similarly priced, completely reliable, and utterly beautiful. I couldn't pick between them, so I just bought one of each. And since I've been getting questions about which one I prefer, I thought I'd do a quick comparison. This is just based on about a week's usage, it's very much just first impressions. I'm still learning about the features.

Purchasing

Anmol sells SSC's via a closed Facebook group. Sales happen on a first-come first-served basis, and it's a feeding frenzy. Each of their releases contains several designs (10-15), but very few pieces are made of each type. This is because they're semi, or completely, hand-woven. Cookiie only releases 4-6 designs in each sale, but they seem to have more pieces of each type available. They also accept pre-bookings through their website. I'm not sure which brand has the most SSC's per release overall, but I've definitely observed that it's easier to land a Cookiie than an Anmol so far. Anmol's launching a website soon, so that may very well change.

Delivery

Cookiie delivers via DTDC, and helpfully sent over a tracking ID. The package from Mumbai arrived in Hyderabad in four days, and attractively highlighted the benefits of babywearing. Less reflux, less fussing; and my favourite, which is also their tagline: you get to 'wear a hug'. Cookiie SSC's come with a clearly illustrated instruction booklet, and a one-year warranty against manufacturing defects.

Anmol sends their SSC's through Mirakle Couriers, an agency employing low-income deaf adults. It also arrived in four days, and my favourite thing about the packaging was that it required no scissors or knives to open up. The SSC was very neatly packed, with a simple photo-guide of instructions, and a handwritten note. The box has a great diagram of the SSC's parts, which I confess I missed seeing because I was too excited about the SSC itself!

Size

The specs indicate Cookiie is less than a centimeter taller than Anmol, and about 3 cm wider. When I place them one on top of the other, you can see there's practically no difference. In fact, I'd have suspected Anmol was wider because of the way it's cut - the thick paneling on the sides goes a bit higher and wider than Cookiie's. eM seems to have a bit more space in the Anmol, though she doesn't really need it at the moment. On the other hand, Cookiie's waist band is a bit wider, which is great for hiding post-baby belly bulges (or cheese paunches, as in my case). Cookiie's SSC also comes with a handy minifier that can cinch the seat by up to 5 inches, making it convenient for smaller or thinner babies.

Both carriers have easily adjustable straps. They may be the exact same straps for all I know, but I find Anmol's easier to adjust on the go. Cookiie's are a bit more rigid. This may also be because Anmol is more generous with extra strap material, so there's more material available to loosen/tighten. My husband will vehemently deny it, but we have pretty similar body frames. But if I were sharing my SSC with someone with a very different body type, especially a bulkier one, Anmol may make it more easy.

The Cookiie fits babies from 5-22kgs, while Anmol seats 7-22kgs. While Cookiie's brochure emphasizes it's not to be used for babies below this threshold, Anmol provides a rolled blanket/pillow hack that allows their SSC to be used by even newborns. Both brands have toddler variations that can be used by bigger babies.

Other Features

Apart from being in a cool colour, Cookiie's hood has drawstrings on the sides making it easier to tighten and tie + look great with ruffled edges when not in use. It's also stowed with snaps while Anmol's is secured with velcro. Coming to the chest strap, Anmol's is placed at bra-hook level, while Cookiie's is a bit higher, and adjustable.

And finally the pocket - Cookiie's is placed at the middle of the waist strap, and is wide enough to accommodate a mobile phone, credit card, and keys. Anmol's is placed at the left of the waist strap, and won't fit a phone. This is probably a good thing, as it keeps phones away from the baby, but it's less convenient. Being a right-hander, I also find the placement slightly awkward, especially since it's near/partly under the baby's leg. That said, I only do front carries at the moment. When I do a back carry, Anmol's pocket will likely be the more convenient one.

Aesthetics

The Cookiie comes in super cool graphic prints - stars, chevrons, block prints, ikats. The waist band has a different pattern, and the hood is usually a sharp contrasting colour, which makes the whole thing look stunning when used. Most Anmols are semi or completely hand woven by local weavers, and the wefts of cotton skilfully showcase several colours. The material's OKO tex certified, and is yarn dyed, AZO free. What this basically means is it's completely baby friendly and won't bleed into their skin. It also looks gorgeous, especially in natural light. Each brand definitely has a distinctive style, but I think both look fantastic.

There you have it, the differences I've spotted after a few days' use of each. This isn't a review of either, because I haven't used them long enough. I genuinely don't have a preference yet, and I also want to emphasize that what eventually works for me given mine & my baby's body types + how we use it won't necessarily be the right choice for you. This is also only applicable for the carriers that were sold in the latest release. Both brands are constantly modifying and improving their products.

I highly recommend trying out any babywearing gear before you buy it. If you're in Hyderabad, check out our sling library, where you can easily try on and rent carriers. (Full disclosure: I'm a co-founder of the library, but I don't make any money from it, or from any of these vendors).

Raising an easy baby

We're fast approaching the end of the 4th trimester. It's been going great. When people ask, that's what I usually say - great, or fun, or amazing. I say eM's a chilled out baby, or that she's easy. They ask if she sleeps 'through the night,' and I respond that she's doing really well; she sleeps all that she can be expected to. I'm asked if she cries a lot, and I say: she's a happy baby, it's easy to comfort her. And given I say it with a wide smile, and am clearly relaxed, they all agree she's the best baby there ever was. I wholeheartedly agree with that summation!

But here's the thing: I don't objectively think she's any easier or more difficult than the average baby. What she is, is a baby. Her brain & body are constantly developing. Expecting her to actually sleep or smile through all those changes, especially when she doesn't have the words to understand them, is bizarre.

She adapts as best as she can. Sometimes that means wanting to be held for hours in the middle of the night. Other times, it means celebrating with her as she figures out her legs can splash, or that she has fingers, or whatever else. Either way, the important thing to note here is that she can't help any of it. She's not throwing a fit for lack of anything better to do. She's not at her best behavior just because we have company. You really can't hold her accountable for anything just yet!

I understand people ask these questions as a way to make conversation, but I don't want my child to be called 'good' or 'bad' for the sake of conversation. I get that she can't understand these words just yet, but I just don't see the point of having these convenient judgments repeated. At best, you'll be able to ignore them, because they'll change by the day. At worst, you'll subconsciously start to believe them. Difficult babies seem to be  a matter of perception. It's easier when you acknowledge your baby probably isn't doing anything other babies don't.

I think people also ask you about these details because they want to sympathize with you. But it seems unfair to say that the baby's been awake every hour, on the hour; if I'm not also able to say, "I think it's a growth spurt," or "She's due for a wonder week about now." It's not like the baby has the words to get her point across, after all. When I understand why she's doing what she's doing, it doesn't make the long hours less tiring, but it does let me be the adult in the equation.

I'm not in denial here. She doesn't cry "a lot", however that's defined, because I hate letting her. When that means bouncing her and walking around for four hours, I do that. She sleeps "well", because she only wakes up when she's hungry, and she only stays awake when she can't figure out how to go back to sleep. Again, if that means singing 'Twinkle Twinkle' forty times in a row (with the hand movements!) every two hours, I'll do it. And I'll still say she's sleeping as well as can be expected, and mean it. She's not forming bad habits, she's forming herself. It's impossible to spoil someone by taking care of them when they're confused or need reassurance.

So how do you raise an 'easy' baby? Simply, by being an easy parent. Don't expect anything from the baby just yet. Sure, it's exhausting at times, uplifting at others, and a dazed blur for the most part. But I have a happy baby, and a healthy one. Those are the only labels I'll ever accept for her. Onwards & upwards!

The Birthplace: A (Long Overdue) Review

I've been joke-accused of turning this space into a mommy blog, gasp. Let me just say - I would love to gush about my daughter all. the. time. But this blog's going to stay what it always has been - a place where I compile info & observations on things I'm interested in to (hopefully) save people some time if they're researching the same things. Those things just happen to be baby related at the moment. 

...And, of course, I'll occasionally pontificate or post something random, just because I can :D

I wrote about how we chose to have our baby at The Birthplace, Hyderabad before. So it's only fair to follow up and talk about our experience there - especially given it completely justified our decision to go with them. Through the move back to India, with its associated craziness; then the struggle through the first couple of weeks with a newborn, The Birthplace was always my safe spot, the voice of sanity in all the chaos. 

There was my doctor, Pratibha Narayan, who was excellent - she clearly distinguished my mom's diabetes from my own sugar levels when other doctors would have marked me high-risk by default. At the same time, she kept a close eye on my levels throughout, never hesitating to tell me when something could build into a red flag. All the while, the biggest thing she did for my peace of mind was pointedly tell any relatives who came with me to chill on the superstitious beliefs they had. She distinguished fact from fiction clearly, and thank God for that, because I heard a zillion random theories when I was pregnant. Despite being the primary doctor for what seemed like every person I spoke to at The Birthplace, she always responded to my emails/texts on the same day. Actually, she still does.

That responsiveness and respect for time is true of everyone and everything at The Birthplace. I was never kept waiting for an appointment unless someone else was having an emergency surgery. Yet, I never felt hurried when I had an appointment. Perhaps best of all, any reports that were required were emailed to me within 24/48 hours, and a follow-up phone call was made to talk through the results and what I should do next. The in-house pharmacy always had everything I needed, so they saved me trips to other places. 

Everyone, from the receptionist to the doctors to the cleaning staff, could speak English and/or Hindi. Yes, I've lived in Hyderabad on & off for a few years, and I can understand Telugu; but speaking it takes real focus and that's not something I'd particularly want to do when pregnant/delivering. Being able to talk in languages I'm comfortable with was a huge load off my mind. And it's not just the language prowess that was impressive, it was the communication skills too. Everyone I met had a great personality, was helpful, consistent, and clearly knew their stuff. Plus, they actually seemed to care! I'm always amazed that everyone from the marketing team to the desk staff address me by my name and remember my details. 

And I've mentioned the 4D scans before, but I have to say it again - they're amazing. Being able to lie back comfortably & watch our baby in real time, on a projected HD screen, with my husband, unhurried, while the doctor gushed how cute our chubby baby was, was an incomparable experience that I don't think exists anywhere else (I have had scans in other places and they were great, but this was truly beyond that).

So I was expecting a good experience with the delivery, but I had no idea how good it would be. Let me start by saying I went in at a time that was very convenient for me & my visitors, but not so much for the hospital - about 4:30AM on a Sunday morning. I went in with no notice, and had the baby within half an hour. And yet, between the time that I called to tell them I was coming and the time I got there, I was met by a team of help staff, an on-call doctor, and - when she confirmed I was really having the baby that fast - another on-call doctor, my gynaec, a pediatrician, and yet more support staff. Despite it being a Sunday, and my being the only resident at The Birthplace at the time, all my meals were arranged, any requests were catered to, and I received a visit from the senior pediatrician, Dr Sivaranjani, on the same day.

Despite having no time to read through my birth plan, everything went exactly as I'd have wished, given The Birthplace's philosophy is pretty much the same as mine anyway. I got skin to skin, A got to watch the baby get weighed etc, and we got to feed her straight away. Which brings me to another important thing that I don't think any other hospital in the world has - learning to breastfeed at The Birthplace is amazing. Every single time I fed for the next three days, at least one nurse or doctor was in the room, just standing by to see if they could help. I can't tell you what a difference this makes. I loved just being told that I was doing great, and having the additional hands readily available when the baby and I were both figuring out how to make it all work.

There's a lot going on when you've just had a baby - you need to figure out your after-delivery care, you need to eat more often, drink a lot more water, and figure out what to do with the baby and your husband and all your visitors, all while not being at your physical best. The Birthplace ensured my needs were taken care of, and that I was gently eased into this new normal. From the baby's bath each morning, to mine; from meal & medication reminders, to having a nutritionist, physical therapist, and lactation consultant check in on me, they made sure to think of everything which I may not have had the mindspace to think about myself.

And it's not just hyperbole - if you've to stay more than 2 days (3 if you've had a C-sec) for medical concerns, they don't charge you anything extra. eM looked a little yellow, so we stayed back an extra day & a half to make sure she wasn't jaundiced. We were given just as much attention and care as on the days we paid for. By the last day, we felt we knew everyone on the staff well, and we really, really wanted to tip the nurses who'd taken such good care of us. Without exception, they all refused. Ditto most of the cleaning staff who'd helped so much with baths and recovery. It literally made me choke up. While The Birthplace gets some flack for being pricey and not accepting insurance up-front (so you need to pay and then get refunded), I think it's worth every penny. 

True confession: on day 5 with my new daughter, I was desperately considering how to get myself re-admitted so life could go back to being peaches & roses! No need for such drastic measures, I return frequently to meet our pediatrician, who's every bit as supportive, no-nonsense, and reassuring as my gynaec. It's a weird thing to say about a hospital, but I'm glad my relationship with them will continue.

As always, a disclaimer that this review wasn't paid for (in fact, I paid for the pleasure of reviewing them!) and all opinions are my own. In the interest of full disclosure: I won an upgrade to a luxury suite, as well as a free newborn photo-shoot (which reminds me, I need to go get said newborn photo-shoot before she's no longer 'new') at an event that The Birthplace sponsored. So I got a few extra perks when I stayed there, but I've compared notes with friends and they really are this nice to everyone.